Are you among the 55 – 60% of people who already feel as if they have given up on their resolutions for this year?  Well I have great news for you.  First of all you don’t have to go into severe depression over this.  Let me tell you the greatest simple discovery I have made this year.  The word Eucharist.   When we hear the word Eucharist, we think of the “Lord’s Supper” or “The Breaking of the Bread.” Both are true, but the word Eucharist is derived from the Greek word, Eucharistia which simply means “Giving of Thanks.“ It is a frame of mind of gratitude.

Jesus at the ‘Last Supper’ demonstrated to the disciples Eucharisteo, as he gave thanks.  Luke 22.17-19 tells us that, Jesus took the cup and gave thanks (Eucharisteo).  He then took the bread and gave thanks (Eucharisteo).  “This is my body which is given for you; do this in remembrance of Me”

Lets take a look at some of the root words for Eucharisitia.  In this word is Charis, which means God Grace  There are many passages in the New Testament that speak of this word charis as God’s grace, the unmerited operation of God in the heart of man, affected through the agency of the Holy Spirit.

Now look closely once more. The Greek word, Chara means JOY.  Need some of that?  Chara also means to Rejoice, make glad and make merry, to put in a good frame of mind.  “I could use some of that.”

As you look at these three beautiful derivative meanings in the Greek of the word Eucharist we begin to not only appreciate Holy Communion but truly begin to understand how thanksgiving and thankfulness is the door to God’s Grace.  This brings us Great Joy.

Now we have His Grace, charis we give Eucharisteo, (Give thanks, ) and we will have charis, a reason to rejoice.  So simply, try to take the time to smell the roses and see the wonderful things He has given us by His grace and we truly can rejoice.

The words of Nehemiah 8:10 now ring true “Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength”.  What about Ephesians 5:20, Give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

As Jesus told many on the highways and by-ways, “be of good cheer.” That is probably the last thing they wanted to hear.  However that is what he was telling us on His last days on earth, My Grace is sufficient so, Eucharisteo (Give Thanks) and the Joy will come because it is Jesus who brings the Joy.

Eucharisteo!!  It will make you CHEER UP!

Exercise: Write out those things you are grateful for in your life and GIVE THANKS!  Now wait for His Grace of JOY.  If you are one for accountability you can write to me and list those things you are grateful for.  I will post and this will bring JOY to others.

If this has helped you to see joy over a sadness in your heart please write and let me know.  Many of my clients work on Eucharsteo (giving thanks).  I promise it will lower your stress and bring you to a greater knowledge of your Father in Heaven

About a year ago I was asked what is our Christian identity in the world in the association and attitude toward bioethics.   Not only was I asked this question but asked to speak on it for two days as a Christian and one time practicing Nurse. I at first thought, God surely did not tell you to phone me.  I was told to pray about it; they were serious.  I began to pray and God began to tug on my heart and mind.  After prayer I returned the phone call and said Yes. 

You first might ask as I did “what does Bioethics have to do with me and with the Christian attitude?  As I began researching I found myself becoming upset, which spurred me on to keep going.  The first article I came across was an article about a college posting on college campuses giving large sums of money for “research.”  The research was to use these unsuspecting women as harvest banks for their eggs.  What they did not realize is that they would be given fertility drugs to stimulate the production of many eggs.  As you know women usually have one egg a month.  Of course nothing was mentioned as to what they were going to use these eggs for.  Were they going to be used probably for embryonic stem cell research or even more sophisticated research as cloning?  Sold to the highest bidder! 

I had to ask myself what does this mean to me as a Christian and what is my part in all this?  What came to mind was my college nursing days classes.  I remembered that within about 24 hours after a sperm and egg meet the once 23 chromosomes are now 46 chromosomes. At this time neither the egg or sperm can be recognized. We call this a Zygote, a new genetically unique being in existence.  This Zygote is now ready with 46 chromosomes and possesses DNA (Genetic Identity) capable of developing into a full grown human being and having independent life.  These little Zygotes (Embryos) are what the scientific world wants and uses for research.  These little Human Embryos must be destroyed and then recovered to use them in research. 

What is our Biblical, theological view?  I am reminded of Psalms 139:13-16:

For you created my inmost being

You knit me together in my mother’s womb

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made

Your works are wonderful

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

When I was made in the secret place

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth

Your eyes saw my unformed body

All the day ordained for me were written in your book

Before one of them came to be.

The Bible tell us in Genesis 1:26-28, that we are created by Him, “Image Bearers of God.”  Are our little Embryos’ Image bearers?  I believe they are, though, very little and very venerable and fragile.  Then we must ask ourselves are we “Image Bearers”?  If we are made in God’s image, are we to care for the frailest of God’s Image Bearers?”

The first thing is to sound the alarm in educating and informing the people of God.  As Image Bearers we are to “Fill the earth and govern it.”

There is much, much more on bioethics besides the Human Embryo, but this is one dear to my heart. As Christians living in this world we must learn and understand terms as IVF, AIF, and their moral implications behind them.  Many of my clients when confronted with these issues did not understand the moral implications nor the pain and sorrows that can accompany them.   So much of what is happening seems good but we must not be taken in by the rudiments of this world.  We must go into these situations informed and prayed up.

If you get something from this blog, I will continue to blog on Bioethics, looking at issues such as Cloning and Stem cell research.  These are Beginning of Life issues and we cannot stop here but go on to End of Life issues such as death and dying, organ donation, defining the moment of death and accepting and forgoing treatment.  As our new health care systems go into place, these issue for discussion are a must and we as Christians must be wise as serpents but gentle as doves.  Any subjects discussed will be looked at and backed Theologically and Biblically.

If you want more you must give me feed back.  You are my deciding factors as what to discuss and in what order.

Anger is not wrong, Paul tells us, “Be angry, but do not sin”.  Scripture is letting us know that anger is a normal human response.  We are not to do harm with anger, but directing our anger in the context of love, using its power for good rather than evil.

 Speaking of Love do you realize how close the emotions of love and anger really are?

We must remember that love by its very nature is vulnerable.  Most of us do not like to feel open to exposure because it leaves us at risk to hurt or pain.  We are greatly invested in those we love and may feel agitated or angry if something or some one threatens a person we love or even our relationship with that person.  So what happens, when those we love are hurt, rejected ridiculed or treated unjustly?

 After, just finishing up an Interest Group on Anger, my granddaughter had an encounter with a Road Rager.  Let me tell you the story from Grandmother Bear’s interpretation:

 My precious granddaughter had an encounter with a Road Rager last week.  She told me she did nothing to provoke him and of course I believe every word she always tells me because she is a good ‘Christian Girl’.    She states she did not even see him; he drove by her, flipped his finger and yelled at her from his window with a very angry, snarling, threatening face.  This scared her badly but she said she ignored him and went her way. 

Everything seemed fine, but she thought that maybe he was following her.  She drove to the high school where she was to pick up her brother who was getting out of school at an off hour.  She was parked in an isolated area with no one around and she saw the car again through her rear view mirror.  This crazy Road Rager was not to be ignored.  She was unable to get hold of her brother who was not coming out of the school or her father.  The middle age man proceeded to her window and began to yell all over again and this time was beating on her window.  She continued to ignore him.  She was frightened and panicking.  He finally gave up and left.  Her brother eventually came out and she was relieved, but was a very shook up young lady.   

Grandmother Bear does not like a mean angry wolf who huffs and puffs at her goldilocks granddaughter.   So I ask you Mr. Road Rager come to our next Interest Group on Anger.  Perhaps with the love of God we can help OR beware of Grandmother Bear! 

Check out RoadRager.com and always call 911 instead of papa bear or even baby brother bear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let us help you make Anger your Ally and not your Enemy.  Stay tuned for our next Interest group on ANGER

Interesting enough the word Crisis in Chinese represents two symbols; Opportunity and Danger (Disaster).  This symbol has great wisdom and represents our choices that we can make out of our crisis.  

On one hand a life may get better and new choices made for ones life.  On the other hand, depending on the way one may handle crisis, ones life may get worse and turn into a disaster; causing another crisis or an increase in crises. 

  A Crisis causes an inner imbalance and confusion.  This experience or event upsets spiritual and emotional equilibrium, thus the choices one makes during crisis events are very important.

 One might ask how do we make good choices in our lives when we are in a crisis?  How we get through crisis depends upon our coping skills.  Coping skills or coping resources  are skills or tools we have learned in early life experiences.  We could have learned them from our parents.  Or perhaps you have learned them from previous crisis situations. 

I find the best coping skills are those we read about in the Bible.  Jesus taught his disciples how to handle Crisis in their life.  My favorite is when Jesus gives two of His followers a seven mile bible study lesson not only in coping but encouraging them. They did not even know that it was Jesus until He sat down to dinner with them.These are some of the skills from Luke 24: 

 First, of all Jesus listened to them as they unburden their inner thoughts and questions. He even encouraged them.  Do you realize if someone will encourage you to talk (someone you trust) you just might figure out your problem on your own. 

Secondly, after they had poured out their hearts and begun to process the issues, Jesus began to interject and refresh their memory of things he had told them many times that, He was going to die, but that He would rise in three days.  He called to remembrance those things He said to them. 

 Thirdly, He begins to challenge them to make a plan. Remember they had a plan but things did not turn out like they thought things would, (they thought Jesus was going to usher in Messianic Kingdom on earth and they were going to play a major part). Jesus had to use this seven mile bible study as a teaching time.  For three years Jesus had been preparing His disciples to carry on the world mission.  He now climaxed this training by stressing systematic, in depth Bible understanding (vv.25-27, 32, 44-47).

 Fourthly, they begin to carry out the plan.  They were so excited they turned around and returned the same seven miles to Jerusalem to tell the other disciples.  Jesus reappears again to the disciples and says, “Touch me”.   It is always wonderful to know that in a time of crisis Jesus is that close that we can reach out and touch Him.  

Fifthly, He encourages them by saying, “You will be clothed with power from on high”.  On the day of Pentecost he gave us the helper, the Holy Spirit.  The book of John tells us that this helper is always with us.  He will abide with you and will be in you.  He will teach you, He will help you recall all things, (He will help you to put everything together that is bothering you). 

What better coping mechanisms can we have than to believe and have faith in the words Jesus spoke to His followers during the crisis of the cross. 

Review the Steps:

1. The disciples needed time to talk and process the issues
2. They then began to have hope and begin to identify solutions
3. With this faith came coping and they began to formulate a plan
4. The disciples joined the others to share their knowledge and plan
5. Then they were able to evaluate the plan with the others and share their faith.

 Through their crisis the disciples learned that they had been and still were being prepared to enter the world as preachers of the Glad Tidings. 

 As we look at the plan Jesus had for His disciples, how He executed, confirmed and even in crisis reconfirmed time and time again, He never gave up on them.  We are so valuable to Him that He never gives up on us.  As He loved the disciples so He loves us! He will be with us through every crisis situation that comes our way. 

It is still to be seen what God will do in your crisis.

Remember it can be a great opportunity.

If you are struggling, share with us how you are dealing with your crisis and how

God is creating an opportunity for you.

Problem-solving can be described as a mental process that involves discovering, analyzing and solving problems.

The ultimate goal of problem-solving is to overcome obstacles and find a solution that best resolves the issue.

As a young nursing student one of my first nursing school requirements was a seven step process in problem solving of patient medical issues. This simple but profound discovery worked in my leadership role as Director of Nursing and even in my Counseling and Coaching Career. Each Coaching Client issue is met with a process of finding a solution.

Through out the years I have compiled a few simple short five steps that can apply to your everyday life. They can apply to the simplest problems to the grand decisions of the business CEO. We are all leaders in one prospective or another. In what ever your daily routine is you must be a good problem solver and maintain a perspective with problems.

Practical 5 Steps

1. Identify the problem

2. Identify the best solutions

3. Formulate a plan

4. Achieve the plan

5. Evaluate the success of the plan

Saving the best for last; James 1:1-8 gives a biblical prospective of problem solving and should be used with the practical 5 step process above.

James is a leader with a visionary prospective and he is writing to the 12 Christian Tribes of Israel. Being a Leader and a Christian he knows that there will be many obstacles (trials). He calls them trials and he says the problems are merely tests in your life.

James says:

1. Be patient, verse 4

2. Pray (ask God for wisdom), verse 5

3. Expect, verse 6-8

Faith is the key word, we should expect and anticipate solutions and we should have great joy and optimism as we work through the trials and receive the solutions.

Feel free to share your comments or request

As I was riding my bicycle (an exercise objective), I saw a few homes whose Christmas lights were still out.  I wondered if their trees were still up.  I actually got Christmas cards this year after Christmas. Then I thought, Oh-My, they must feel like they have been dragged into 2011 and I could sympathize.

If you are dragging your heels thank God the year is not over and there is still time to join most of the world who has been dragging their feet into this new year also. 

I began examining myself by asking, what am I waiting for: The church to do their annual fast so we can take off the five to ten pounds gained and then start the diet.  I mention these cruel words because diet and exercise are the number one objective for every one’s New Year.

 The next thing I thought about was that my schedule was full and how could I add another thing?  Maybe I like to see my calendar full; it makes me feel important. This is when I thought I must get rid of something.  Do you realize how much we hold on to and we keep doing it the same way.  These are called energy drainers.  

In 2 Kings 4:1-7 Elisha told the maidservant (who had nothing but a jar of oil) to borrow empty vessels from neighbors.  Emptiness can be a wonderful gift and it is then that God can fill us with new ideas that might cause less stress, allow more energy, and experience more peace and joy.

 Thinking about this scripture causes us to want to empty out.  It is important that we begin to empty out those things that zap our energy.  Look at the simple outline below:

List the energy- drainers in your life.  .

1. Energy draining People
2. Energy draining Emotions
3. Energy drainers at Work
4. Energy drainers at Home
5. Other energy drainers

After you’ve completed your lists go back and put an O by the items you can overlook.  Write an A by the items that need some action.  After you complete this, write down some actions you can take to reduce the energy-drainers marked with A’s. 

As you reduce your energy drainers, (empty out) allow God to fill you up with new and great plans and visions for 2011.

Let’s Break Thru, this exercise will empower YOU!

If you have experienced a major loss resulting from the death of a loved one or a separation in recent years or this year, you are probably wondering how you will get through the holidays,  Perhaps you feel more like dismissing the season rather than embracing it.  This is a normal response.  No matter how well you feel that you have dealt with your loss so far, the pain and grief will be most intensified during the holiday season.  No matter how many ghosts you may have laid to rest, the memories of past holidays will surely surface, and grief will once again take its toll if you are not prepared to deal with this new ache inside you.

This may be your first holiday season without your loved one or your second or even possibly your third.  No matter, the memories for some will be just as vivid as though it were only yesterday.  The key is to test those memories and see where you stand.  Do they fill you with joy or do they torment you with longing for that lost person in your life?  If the latter is the case perhaps it is time to dismiss these memories and in kindness to yourself save them for a future time when you are stronger and have journeyed further into your grief process.  In the mean time your need to remember that the person your grieving-the one you love so much- is no longer with you, but instead there are others in your life who do love you and need you.  And, more importantly, YOU need them.  Even in your grieving you need to take time out for others.  In doing so, you may create some new memories, which in turn may bring you a little peace and perhaps ease your pain.

Suggestions

• When you feel anxious about the holidays, ask yourself “What do I dread most about this season?”  Recognizing a fear helps you gain back some control.
• Don’t be afraid to share your feelings with family and friends.  If you hide your tears, you may not only be denying others a chance to grieve with you, but you will be living a lie in trying to prove that you are stronger that you really are.
• Try changing a tradition, especially if the “old way” of doing things elicits painful memories.
• Buy something “special” for yourself and gift wrap it with care.
• Be kind to yourself.  Don’t do anything you don’t feel you are ready to do, especially if your loss is very recent. Make decisions based on your need and not on the need of others.  Only you know how much you can handle at this time.

Remember: Keep it simple and be kind to yourself!

Psalm 55:22, Cast your care on the Lord and He will sustain YOU

If this post is meaningful to you, please let us know.

I will give you the most simplistic answer first:

Coaching moves to ones passion in life.

Counseling navigates to the pain in a person’s life.

Coaching is not counseling or therapy, which goes into depth about various issues that deal with ones past life. Coaching is more action oriented and focuses primarily on the present and future. A Coach allows you to determine your own “answers” while guiding you (in my case) in a biblical foundation.

As a coach I would:

• Encourage you to set goals that you truly want.
• Ask you to do more than you may have done on your own.
• Help you focus better in order to produce results more quickly.
• Provide you with the tools, support and structure to accomplish more.

If you have been thinking about a coach allow me to give you a 30 minute free session to talk about only you. Think about it, ‘30 minutes to talk about only YOU!’ Contact me, begin your new journey today.

After writing this blog the discovered fear is ‘letting go’ of a loved one. I fear the pain of death of a loved one. I have felt the pain of losing a child and I know if I have to face that pain again I will surely die. I would rather die than to feel that agonizing pain again.

With the loss of a child I could relate to the passage in Matthew, that speaks of the
story when all the baby boys two years and younger were slaughtered in Jerusalem, as ordered by Herod.
A voice was heard in Ramah,
Weeping and Great mourning,
Rachel weeping for her children
And she refused to be comforted

The cries of a mother’s heart are always there. The agonizing hurt lifts its head when least expected. It is hard to explain but it seems to always be with you in the most unexpected moments!

Is it because this child was once part of you. Or that you were there from the moment of conception and birth. It is because you were there for the all night vigils of bronchitis, the mumps, measles, allergies, etc. They are a part of you. Oh how it hurts to lose a part of you.

Maybe it is the first smiles, the first words, the first steps, first day of kindergarten. Yes I think it is about all the ‘firsts.’ How can these things be erased or forgotten?

Why always such a void? Once there were three and now there are two. Even now I think of them as three.

What keeps me sane? Stories like the book of Daniel. When the three Hebrew men, Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego told the King of Babylon they would not bow down to a golden idol and they were asked by the King, “What God is there who can deliver you?” Their answer was this:
“We do not need to give you an answer concerning this matter. If it be so our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have setup.” Daniel 3:16-17

As the old most read Bible story goes the three were sent to the fire. As the king watched, he announced, “I see four men loosed and walking about in the midst of the fire without harm and the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods! Daniel 3:25
The story tells us they were called from the fire. The fire had no effect on the bodies and not a hair of their head was singed and they did not even smell like smoke.

I tell you this story to relate to my own circumstances. Like the three Hebrew men, I do not know if I will ever be delivered from the hurt or grief of losing a child. I do not know if I will carry that pain till I reach heaven. What I do know is that in the midst of my journey, like the Hebrew men’s story. There is someone with me in the fire who may or may not deliver me but promises that He will be with me, “like the son of the god.”

I am so grateful that the story of the three Hebrew men reminds us that Jesus came to us in person to dwell with us in a chaotic world, he died for us that we might have victory, not always escape, but have victory over all crisis.

This story is a reflection of Immanuel, meaning God with Us.

My mother Exie J. Burton, Wieleba passed May 20, 2010. As God promised He was with me. The anguish was not like the loss of a son before it was his time to go. Mother’s passing was a death of long lived, fulfilled years. I was able to let go and she passed away quietly as she slept in her chair. Her passing was sweet and victorious. I miss her.

If this story has meaning for you or you would like prayer please contact me below and share your story.

May I share what has unexpectedly thrown me in a tail spin? My mother, 89 years old has been on the verge of death. Being the oldest and having the power of authority has placed a great burden upon me. After all she is to be my mother not me hers. She has been ill on and off, mostly on for over 10 years; the last year has been the hardest. In and out of hospitals, rehab and a reminiscence units. I will not belabor this point as it is entirely another story.

I found that I was trying to prepare myself for her death, which I thought I was doing fine. I suddenly realized in terror, that my grief from losing my mother might trigger old pain and grief that I had once experienced when losing my son. I became frightened because I did not ever want to experience that kind of pain again; it is much too hard.

By the time I convinced myself, it would be okay to let her go, she suddenly began to slowly and very weakly to recover. I blamed my brother and others for not letting her go because Mother told me she was ready and wanted to go to her heavenly home.

As I have reviewed the circumstances and cried out to God asking for understanding, he began to show me I was the one holding up the process. I was fearful to grieve again thinking that it would be like the grief I had encountered before, the death of my son.

After the crisis had waned from my mothers near death, I was trying to get hold of my self again. It is sometimes a difficult thing. I found I was having some of the same feelings I had when my son had died. I pretended, I wore the smile and tried to put on the appropriate face but underneath something inside of me was dying. Many times the death inside of me seemed to reappear, and people noticed that something was wrong, no matter how hard I tried not to show it. Ugh! Someone has seen your soul (your heavy burden). You ridicule yourself for allowing yourself to be so vulnerable to someone you hardly know. They may say something flip to you like are you okay and go on about their business before you can answer. You are left feeling even more venerable than ever. Why can’t I put this aside and just go on. The self accusations, criticisms and excuses begin.

Some of my ‘If Only’ thoughts came: Oh, if I could only get a good night sleep; things will look brighter if only I could start on the mounting emails that will set my days in order. If only I eat the right foods today. If only I would just sit down and journal my feelings, I know I would feel better. If only, tomorrow will come it will be a new day. If only I had time to get through my things-to-do list. If only I had time to read this new article or new book, I know I would feel better. If only, I had someone to talk to who would understand. If only I had someone to tell my fears to. I think I’m even fearful to say them out loud.

The feelings of anger constantly come to the forefront, I feel trapped like a caged animal and I cannot escape the anguish of losing a loved one again. The anger is almost at every one spoken or unspoken, external or internal. I hate this, will I be free?

The answer to this question and part II next weeks article. If you are having emotional crisis in your life over a loved one connect with me and share your experience.
See below to connect to me.