If you have experienced a major loss resulting from the death of a loved one or a separation in recent years or this year, you are probably wondering how you will get through the holidays,  Perhaps you feel more like dismissing the season rather than embracing it.  This is a normal response.  No matter how well you feel that you have dealt with your loss so far, the pain and grief will be most intensified during the holiday season.  No matter how many ghosts you may have laid to rest, the memories of past holidays will surely surface, and grief will once again take its toll if you are not prepared to deal with this new ache inside you.

This may be your first holiday season without your loved one or your second or even possibly your third.  No matter, the memories for some will be just as vivid as though it were only yesterday.  The key is to test those memories and see where you stand.  Do they fill you with joy or do they torment you with longing for that lost person in your life?  If the latter is the case perhaps it is time to dismiss these memories and in kindness to yourself save them for a future time when you are stronger and have journeyed further into your grief process.  In the mean time your need to remember that the person your grieving-the one you love so much- is no longer with you, but instead there are others in your life who do love you and need you.  And, more importantly, YOU need them.  Even in your grieving you need to take time out for others.  In doing so, you may create some new memories, which in turn may bring you a little peace and perhaps ease your pain.

 

Suggestions

  • When you feel anxious about the holidays, ask yourself “What do I dread most about this season?”  Recognizing a fear helps you gain back some control.
  • Don’t be afraid to share your feelings with family and friends.  If you hide your tears, you may not only be denying others a chance to grieve with you, but you will be living a lie in trying to prove that you are stronger that you really are.
  • Try changing a tradition, especially if the “old way” of doing things elicits painful memories.
  • Buy something “special” for yourself and gift wrap it with care.
  • Be kind to yourself.  Don’t do anything you don’t feel you are ready to do, especially if your loss is very recent. Make decisions based on your need and not on the need of others.  Only you know how much you can handle at this time.

Remember: Keep it simple and be kind to yourself!

Psalm 55:22, Cast your care on the Lord and He will sustain YOU

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